Visions of my future self dance across my imagination

I am pure

Hopeful

wise

courageous

Images of my present life haunt my compacted memory

Smothered

Lonely

Cumbersome

awkard

When is the time that i reach my Nirvana? That moment of peace where everything is exactly where it needs to be?

And then it dawns on me

Without hell there is no heaven

Without hate there is no love

There is no peace without war

And there is no Faith without some fear

Fuck it. I’m going to purgatory….

time to clear out the clutter.

the cobwebs the old memories the….

mutterings of the past cause there is only here and now

no more looking back so take your leave now

your decision not mine but i will go on

you’re not the reason i sing my written songs

no hurt but no joy this is the in between i know

but its all because of the force you thought you show

you were my family taken in and look what you’ve done

now that it’s over do you really think you’ve won?

There goes that dust in the corner again

it’s been awhile, because are large pieces

no what guess i was wrong….

it’s my shattered self- esteem

I wish i never met you….

you’re weak spineless and helpless

I loathe you and know that you deserve the worst

You use and abuse and break hearts along the way only to satisfy your need

How pathetic can you be; to claim that you are a man

But your actions speak louder than your words

or should i say your lies

you lack truth and in your claim to fame

you leave others destitute as they try to remember your name

and erase it from where it entwined with theirs

because you take over their lives

your a possessive controlling bitch and i never thought I’d say this

but i almost wish you’d die

no…. that’s not right. I wish you’d cry

or show some fucking emotion even if its a tear or two

just show that I’m not the only one you’re doing this to

but don’t think that means I’m going back to square one

I want to know if your battle was really won

Hey guys. I’ve hit that point in my life where I’ve made a decision about the things i want from my life. I crave freedom from the very things that inhibited me from living my life as a productive, encouraging, intelligent, accepting individual. This means i will have to take some steps that are… well hard. So these next few months will be interesting, mainly because i will have to distance myself from the people i really care about. After all they did raise me… however, I do not see eye to eye with them anymore on issues that are quite important to me. I have a heart made for the broken and abandoned. This includes those that are different. I prefer to not say what is the exact issue, however i know that until this part of my heart is accepted, they will never be able to accept all of my heart and soul, thus I shall be neglected by them. Even in this uncertainty i know for a fact, i will never be alone.

It just will feel like it for sometime…